I’m eager to explain the events of 2019 to you, but it is very important that I first build a solid foundation of facts. Once these facts and my religious beliefs are properly explained, the events of 2019 will finally make sense.
During my court trial, I was bothered at how simple, well-known beliefs were twisted by the State into sinister, frightening ideas that the State repurposed, claiming these ideas were the catalyst for terrible crimes I did not commit.
Time after time. It was the State who defined what my religious beliefs are, not the witness on the stand. As I read through the trial transcript, it is even more obvious on paper. The State repeatedly made inaccurate statements in the form of questions, and the witnesses would get into a rhythm of saying “Yes”, or “Correct” many times in a row without hesitation.
The result was a distortion of my beliefs and I think an incomplete picture or half-story of what the witnesses actually heard or saw. And unfortunately, my lawyer failed to fill in those blanks on cross-examination.
So I feel it is best to begin by sharing with you my near-death experiences, which have had very significant impacts on my life. There have been four times in my life when I’ve actually died and my spirit has gone into another realm before returning to my body.
The LDS church teaches that a human being consists of two parts, a spirit body and a physical body. The spirit body resides inside the physical body and gives it life. When we die, the spirit and the body separate from each other. The spirit continues to live and goes into the Spirit World while the body ceases to function. For example, picture your spirit as your hand and your body as a glove. The glove is just a covering, and it can’t move without your hand inside it.
A near-death experience, or NDE, is like when the hand is briefly removed from the glove and then put back inside. NDEs can be found in historical records dating back thousands of years among all races, nations, and religions. They have been part of LDS lore since the church was founded, and NDEs were regularly printed in the church‘s newspapers and magazines.
Many NDEs indicate, as LDS doctrine confirms, that before we were born, we lived as part of a heavenly family. We were eager for the chance to come to earth and receive a physical body. We understood it would be a challenging experience, but that our time on earth would help us grow emotionally and spiritually. We all helped write our own life-plan or blueprint for what we would accomplish during our lives, who we would interact with, and when our life would end. Most NDEs occur when someone dies, but it isn’t their time to go. They are sent back into their body to complete their life mission.
My first near-death experience was rather short, but it’s had a profound effect on me. It was August 1985, and I just turned 17. I was at Flaming Gorge Reservoir in Northern Utah as part of a church youth group that included several of my friends. We had started the day by leaping into the reservoir from cliff ledges along the lake shore that were about 20 feet high.
That was fun, but then we noticed a 60 foot high cliff that jetted out over the water. It looked like a natural diving board. We saw someone jump off it, and soon we were scrambling up the hillside to reach it. Once we got up there and saw how high it truly was, we were intimidated, but we were also stupid teenagers!
My friends convinced me I should jump first. I shook off my nervousness and gazed down at the water below me. Finally, I pushed off with my right foot and began my descent. I remember thinking, “This is taking a really long time.”
When I eventually hit the water, it felt like I had slammed into concrete. A shock went through my entire body, and I saw a flash of white light. I felt an audible pop at the base of my skull and I thought, “Oh no! I broke my neck!” I also wondered if I’d cut open my forehead, because there was a brief searing pain above my eyes.
I quickly realized something even more alarming had happened. My spirit was partly out of my body! The best way to describe it is that my physical body went deeper into the water than my spirit did. This caused my spirit to pop out through my head, but with my spirit’s knees stuck in my skull. In other words, for some reason I didn’t make it all the way out of my body. It was more like three-fourths out.
During those few moments, I was in another dimension. I saw an endless white plane in all directions, and I heard a deep rich melody that sounded like a synthesizer. As I pondered the music later, it was very similar to a song called “1984“ that opens Van Halen’s “1984” album. The song is an instrumental that is just over a minute long, and it definitely has the same uplifting, rich heavenly sound that I heard while out of my body.
I noticed the pain was gone that I had initially experienced. There was a soothing warmth surrounding me, and I saw little pellets of light and energy rushing toward me from all directions. These pellets were absorbed by my spirit, and I felt wonderful, even euphoric, and at complete peace.
However, my physical body soon started to float toward the surface. My spirit quickly reversed course through my head and was sucked back into place.
I instantly felt chilled and somewhat paralyzed. I must’ve taken a while getting to the surface, because one of my friends who had been standing on the shore had jumped into the water to rescue me. He grabbed hold of me and towed me to the water’s edge. All I said to him was, “Something snapped when I hit the surface. I’m done for the day.”
After I returned home from Flaming Gorge, my entire body was sore for a week. I felt off-kilter, like my body and spirit were disjointed. Sometimes my right eye would go blind, but if I hit the side of my head with my palm, I could see again.
On the other hand, I was spiritually changed. I’d glimpsed another dimension and it had felt like home. I still lived a normal life, graduating from Springville High and then completing my freshman year at BYU Provo. Then during my LDS mission, certain spiritual gifts increased. I was better able to receive promptings and impressions that helped keep me out of danger.
As I mentioned earlier, I have died four times. I will describe the second incident in the next letter. It happened while I was on vacation with my family in San Diego, California. I was struck by a large wave at La Jolla Cove and was not completely knocked out of my body this time. I really needed to stay out of the water.
Bookshelf
In the 1970s, several scientists and researchers began to study modern-day reports of near-death experiences, or NDEs. Dr. Raymond Moody’s book “Life After Life” compiled several of these accounts and brought NDEs to the attention of the general public.
At around the same time, Dr. George Ritchie wrote a fascinating first-person account of his death, his journey into another realm, and then his return to his body. The book is “Return from Tomorrow” and has sold millions of copies worldwide. These books and others like them have helped people believe in an afterlife where we will reunite with our deceased family members, friends, and even pets.
I recently became aware of an NDE that happened to Jeremy Renner, the famous actor who plays the character Hawkeye in the Marvel Avengers movies. As you likely know, Renner was involved in a devastating accident on New Year’s Day 2023 when he attempted to stop a snowplow from hitting his nephew. Renner suffered severe injuries, with more than 30 broken bones. His recovery took many months, including having to learn how to walk again. He has written a book titled, “My Next Breath” about his ordeal. Renner also shared his story on an episode of Kelly Ripa‘s “Let’s Talk” podcast. He explained to her that during his accident, he felt his spirit leave his body. He said, “it’s a wonderful, wonderful relief to be removed from your body. It’s the most exhilarating peace you could ever feel.” He added, “it’s the highest adrenaline rush, but the peace that comes with it it’s magnificent. It’s so magical.”
Renner didn’t really want to return to his body, and he was actually a bit angry about it. He saw his damaged legs and thought, “yeah that’s gonna hurt later.”
Renner was only in the afterlife for a few minutes, but the experience was a great confirmation to him about what is really important in life. He says the experience taught him to repel the things he had given so much value to before, and that he now sees as having zero value. He said he now invests his energy into love and his relationships with others.
These books I’ve mentioned, as well as movies such as “Ghost” and “The Sixth Sense” have helped to make near-death experiences and the reality of an afterlife an accepted part of American culture.
You can check out “Life After Life” here (paid link)
You can check out “Return From Tomorrow” here (paid link)
Musical Notes
All major religions believe in a divine being, a higher power, or a Heavenly Father. The LDS church takes that concept to the next level by teaching that we are all part of an eternal family, and we are the literal spirit children of heavenly parents.
I hope that idea is comforting to you. We have a set of loving parents watching over us, cheering us on and assisting us during our earthly journey. There are times when we feel alone, of course, but be assured our heavenly family members are always nearby.
The LDS doctrine of a heavenly mother was first taught by the prophet Joseph Smith. A woman named Zina D. Young, who would later serve as the LDS church’s General Relief Society president, was deeply saddened by the death of her mother. Zina spoke to Joseph about her intense grief and asked him, “Will I know my mother as my mother when I get over to the other side?” Joseph responded, “Certainly you will. More than that, you will meet and become acquainted with your eternal mother, the wife of your father in heaven.”
Among the people that Joseph taught this doctrine to was Eliza R. Snow. She was well-known for her poetry. She had published many poems prior to her baptism into the church in 1835, and she wrote more throughout her life.
Eliza wrote a poem about this topic of heavenly parents in 1845 titled, “My Father in Heaven”. The poem was soon transformed into the hymn, “O My Father” and was included in the 1851 LDS hymnbook. In 1855, the Deseret News reported it was Brigham Young‘s favorite hymn.
The hymn has been sung by LDS congregations ever since, but the powerful lyrics are often taken for granted. They cover the entire LDS plan of salvation, such as our pre-mortal spirit life, the veil of forgetfulness, when we come to earth, the purpose of life and the return after death to our loving heavenly parents.
Here are the hymns four verses:
O my Father, thou that dwellest
In the high and glorious place,
When shall I regain thy presence
And again behold thy face?
In thy holy habitation,
Did my spirit once reside?
In my first primeval childhood
Was I nurtured near thy side?
For a wise and glorious purpose
Thou hast placed me here on earth
And withheld the recollection
Of my former friends and birth;
Yet ofttimes a secret something
Whispered, “You’re a stranger here,”
And I felt that I had wandered
From a more exalted sphere.
I had learned to call thee Father,
Thru thy Spirit from on high,
But, until the key of knowledge
Was restored, I knew not why.
In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.
When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.
It is truly a tender poem, expressing the longing we feel to be embraced again by our heavenly parents. I hope we can follow their example. We are here on earth to build each other up, help each other along, and be a positive influence regardless of our current earthly situation. Money, fame, and power don’t matter. Charity, love, and kindness are the keys to joy and happiness in this life and in the world to come.